we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
