Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
