I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
