How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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