Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
