So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
