your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
