so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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