the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
