dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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