Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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