Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
