let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
