just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
