how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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