if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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