how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
