Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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