I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
