i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
