would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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