oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
