Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
