I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
