we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
