Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
