i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
