I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Randomize
