and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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