Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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