is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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