i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
love makes seman taste better
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
