oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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