Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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