My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
