btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
