Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
