she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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