I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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