i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
