I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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