fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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