Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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