I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
