I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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