dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
