Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
