How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
