Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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