My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
