I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
