pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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