she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize