Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
