I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
