I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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