i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
