I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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