I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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