My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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