you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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