3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
