So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
