Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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