i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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