No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
