The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize