he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
