There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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