My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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