I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
