hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
