Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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