guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
