Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
