Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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