hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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