Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
