I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
