what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
