I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
