What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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