Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
