dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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