Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
