Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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