And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My penis needs a shock collar
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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