it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
