so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
