I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize