youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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