she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
