I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
