Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found a bag of teeth...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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